Monday, September 25, 2023

Does God Want Me To Stay In An Abusive Marriage

Giving Up Sugar Tasting God’s Goodness

Understanding the Narcissist: Why Do They Treat You This Way?

As a latchkey kid, Wendy Speake turned to sugar for comfort. Every Friday, she would pedal to the candy show and use her allowance to fill her bag with candy. And one day, when she was older and a mom of three young boys, she came to realize that she was still pedaling away from her stress and using sugar as comfort, instead of turning to Jesus. She was joyless, worn out, tired, and in need of a change. In this interview, Wendy will challenge Christians to take 40 days to focus on fasting from something they turn to instead of Jesus for comfort. She invited people to break free from a dependence on sugar and taste the goodness of God.

When Are Women Allowed To Approach Civil Or Church Authorities About Abuse

A wife and mother should only go around her husband who is her spiritual authority in the gravest of circumstances. If a husband violates the Exodus 21:26-27 principle and threatens or actually causes serious bodily harm or what he is doing has the potential of causing death to her or her children a wife has every right to approach her church authorities and civil authorities.

In I Samuel 25 we see that Abagail went against her husbands wishes to save her family from his wicked actions that would have had them killed. This teaches us that if a woman finds out her husband is involved in some criminal or otherwise wicked activity that endangers the life of her family she has every right to go to the civil authorities to protect her life and the life of her children.

Also if a wife finds out that her husband has been sexually abusing one of her children in violation of the Leviticus 18:6 principle she has every right to turn her husband over to both the church and civil authorities. When husbands commit such heinous acts they invalidate their ownership and headship over their wives and children allowing their wives and children to be freed from them.

Does A Good God Want Me In A Bad Marriage

A friend of mine finally walked out on her husband. She was tired of his excuses and irresponsibility. She was finished with his criticisms and cutting remarks. In her mind, enough was enough, and it was time to end the marriage.

Yet as she described their relationship, I couldn’t help but think that this marriage didn’t need to end in divorce. There was no unrepentant adultery, abandonment, or repeated physical abuse. They were simply struggling with what most marriages deal with: miscommunication, financial disagreements, selfish attitudes the things often excused as “irreconcilable differences.”

When I later talked with her, I asked if she knew that God said, I hate divorce . Or that Jesus specifically addressed divorce in Matthew 19:8-9 saying, “I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.”

My friend said she heard this before and added, “But I cannot believe that a good God wants me to suffer in a bad marriage. He wants me to be happy.”

It was a response I’ve heard a dozen times from other women in similar circumstances, and it’s a question that plagues the hearts of many marriages today: If God is good, could He possibly want me to be unhappy? Doesn’t He see that staying in my current marriage would cause me a lot of pain? Can I call God “good” if He allows me to suffer in a bad marriage?

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Define Your Relationship Problems And Solutions

Once again, sit down with a piece of paper or your journal and set your timer for 10 minutes. Write down as many problem areas in your relationship that come to mind. Think about when those problems started. Have you had them from the beginning, or did they develop over time?

Set your timer for 10 more minutes and write down what you want from the relationship. Include everything that is important to you. Then write down what you believe your partner wants from the relationship. Include everything that you believe is important to him based on your observations over the years. What does he pursue? What motivates him? What are his goals for your relationship? If you dont know, thats helpful information in and of itself.

Set your timer for 10 more minutes and write down all the things you are willing to do to make your relationship successful, and then write down all the things you believe your partner is willing to do to make your relationship successful.

You havent solved anything with this exercise, but it will give you some valuable insights you can use to make your decision when the time comes.

The Government Has Nullified Gods Law With Its Domestic Abuse Definitions


The Scriptures tell us this regarding Gods law:

Ye shall not add unto the word which I command you, neither shall ye diminish ought from it, that ye may keep the commandments of the Lord your God which I command you.

Deuteronomy 4:2

As we previously established, the government has absolutely no right to add or take away from Gods moral law. None whatsoever. Also Christ spoke against human laws which nullify Gods laws:

Making the word of God of none effect through your tradition, which ye have delivered: and many such like things do ye.

This is what our current US Justice Department definitions of domestic abuse do they literally attempt to add to Gods moral law and in effect nullify Gods moral law in regard to this issue of domestic abuse. With that said I will briefly address some of this addition to and nullification of Gods law in current US Justice Department definitions of domestic abuse which you can find at . Also keep in mind that all these definitions have to do with domestic violence meaning what is considered abuse in the home between members of the home.

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Figure Out The Pros And Cons Of Each Option

Use a separate piece of paper for each option and divide it in half. Make a list of the pros of that option on one side and a list of the cons on the other side. Again, this will not solve your dilemma of what to do, but it will lay out the information you need to make that decision. And keep in mind that you might make one decision right now and a completely different decision a year from now. Thats okay. This is a long process.

But what about the Bible?

Sometimes your long term goals are determined by your theology. I want to give glory to God, and Ive always believed divorce dishonors God. I dont want to disobey Him.Part of making your decision will involve studying things youve maybe never studied before. Many Christian women are spoon fed theology, and they believe what theyve always believed because its the only thing theyve ever known. Now that youre an adult woman, you get to study things for yourself! There are many resources that will help you do this We do a lot of deprogramming from religious propaganda in the Flying Free Sisterhood program. I also devote a large portion of my book, Is it Me? to figuring this out.

What about my kids?

Children complicate things! This isnt just our life we are dealing with. If you have underage children, you are no doubt considering their needs and willing to set aside your own in order to make sure their needs are met. This is probably a subject for a separate article, but for now, consider two things.

Signs That Your Marriage Is Unhappy

1. Are criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling increasingly present in your marriage?

2. Do you often feel you have little to say to each other?

3. Do you fantasize about a future without your partner?

4. Do you and your spouse live separate lives?

5. Is there a lack of sex or physical affection in your marriage?

6. Do you often feel disconnected from your mate?

7. Is it easier to focus on everything else but the relationship?

8. Do you talk to your friends more than your spouse?

If you answered yes to one or more of these, chances are high that you are living in an unhappy marriage.

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Mr And Mrs Guy And Amber Lia And Mrs Jean Daly

Amber Lia is a work-at-home mom, blogger, public speaker, and co-author of two best-selling books. Her husband, Guy, is a former TV, feature film, and VFX development and production executive who has worked on popular TV shows and films. Guy and Amber own Storehouse Media Group, a faith- and family-friendly TV and film production company based in Los Angeles,

Emotional Abuse In A Christian Marriage

Narcissism in a Sibling [How to Spot the Signs]

This post may contain affiliate links, which means I may earn a small commission from purchased products at no additional cost to you. See my full disclosure here.

If you are experiencing emotional abuse in a Christian marriage or know someone who is, here are a few truths to remember. These are the things that helped me survive my own emotionally abusive relationship.

I dont write about my first marriage very often because most of my posts here are focused on health, food, faith, and weight loss, but my experience with emotional abuse was actually very tied to my 100-pound weight loss journey.

I entered into my first marriage with very low self-esteem. I had been an obese kid and teenager and had experienced quite a bit of bullying. I was a people-pleaser and desperate for people to like me. I had lost a lot of the weight by the time I met my first husband, but, contrary to popular belief, getting to your goal weight doesnt instantly restore your confidence and fix your body image issues.

Entering any relationship with low self-esteem is a dangerous thing.

The man I married was a charmer.

He said all of the right things and made me feel so loved, desired, and cherished, which is dreamy for a girl who was always the fat kidbut that dream didnt last for long.

I was in an abusive marriage for 6 years, which means I could fill a book series of all of the examples of verbal, emotional, and spiritual abuse I experienced during that season.

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Understanding The Root Of Your Child’s Misbehavior

Often, children act out because they are used to getting attention through bad behavior. Dr. Kevin Leman offers advice to help parents transform their childs behavior. He discusses the benefits of allowing your kids to learn from real-life consequences and describes the importance of understanding your childs temperament based on his birth order.

Love In Every Season: Understanding The Four Stages Of A Healthy Relationship

Every relationship goes through four life-changing seasons: Spring. Summer. Fall. Winter. Each season plays an important role in taking your relationship to the next level. And depending on how you navigate each season, your relationship will either flourish and grow, or it will slowly die. Whether youre single, dating, engaged or married, join licensed professional counselor and relationship expert, Debra Fileta as she takes you on an eye-opening psychological and spiritual journey through the four seasons that she has observed in every healthy relationship.

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Final Tips For Making The Decision To Stay Or Leave

1. Be very clear in your mind that this is YOUR decision to make. Not your churchs or your counselors or your kids or your parents or your friends decision. YOURS. You are an adult, and this is your life.

2. Dont make your decision until you are confident it is the decision you are willing to live with, for better or for worse. It took me two years of thinking, studying, observing, and praying before I made my final decision. But when I made it, I was SURE. There was no looking back even when my church shunned and excommunicated me, and I lost a close relationship with my oldest child. You will also face some serious and painful fallout. You want to be able to have inner peace even when all hell breaks loose against you.

3. Make sure you have a supportive, non-critical environment in which to walk through the difficult process of either staying or leaving. The Flying Free Sisterhood program is jam-packed with educational resources and personal contact with hundreds of women in your exact situation. If you want to learn more, go to

4. If you are still unsure about whether or not your marriage is abusive or just your average run-of-the-mill challenging relationship, read my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Relationship. I wrote it so you would know.

5. You are in no rush. Try not to panic or make any rash decisions.

Should You Get A Divorce

Pin on Narcissistic Relationships

Unfortunately, thats just not a question I can answer for you.

I hate divorce, just as I know God does. I want to see marriages succeed, reconcile, heal, and flourish.

I fought fiercely for my marriage and, for 5.8 of the 6 years I was married, divorce just wasnt even an option in my mind.

But every situation is so different.

I dont believe God wants you to just sit there and take the abuse.

  • Fight for your marriage in every way that you possibly can.

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Why Your Kids Misbehave And What To Do About It

Tantrums. Talking back. Throwing toys or food. Meltdowns. Slamming doors. Kids know just how to push your buttons. Youve tried all sorts of methods, but nothing seems to work. In this book, Dr. Kevin Leman reveals exactly why kids misbehave and how you can turn that behavior around with practical, no-nonsense strategies that really work . . . and are a long-term win for both of you.

What Does The Bible Say About An Unhappy Marriage

It is important to distinguish between an unhappy marriage and a toxic/destructive marriage. For those who have experienced any kind of unrepentant adultery, abandonment, or repeated physical/emotional/verbal/sexual abuse, this article is NOT for you. In most unhappy marriages the issues are miscommunication, finances, unmet expectations, etc. Abuse of any kind is not acceptable in Gods design for mutual submission as couples grow together in Him.

Regarding marriage, Malachi 2: 15-16 says, Has not the one God made you? You belong to him in body and spirit. And what does the one God seek? Godly offspring. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful to the wife of your youth. The man who hates and divorces his wife, says the Lord, the God of Israel, does violence to the one he should protect, says the Lord Almighty. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful.

Biblically speaking, spouses dont have the right to simply dissolve an unhappy marriage. God intended that marriage be for a lifetime.

Ephesians 5 describes marriage as a metaphor for our relationship with God. He is not capricious in His affections toward us, nor does His love depend on favorable circumstances. His relationship with us is solely based on His covenant with us. God wants us to remain faithful to our vows because He knows broken hearts, broken marriages, and broken homes can be redeemed for His ultimate glory.

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Christian Counseling For An Abusive Marriage

Ive laid out for you Gods overall design for marriage as well as a lot of things for you to consider. Let me end by saying that I know its hard to seek help. In my years of working with those who are in an abusive marriage, one lesson has been hammered home time and again for me: silence kills.

As long as you keep your abuse a secret . . . as long as no one knows whats going on . . . as long as youre isolated and all alone . . . it will continue.

Sin has its power in darkness. How do we defeat the darkness? By coming into the light . Darkness vanishes in the presence of the light. I humbly suggest that if this is you, if this is the situation youre facing, step into the light and seek out help.

No matter what you ultimately choose to do, youre going to need a lot of support, encouragement, and healing power that can really only be found by being connected to the greater body of Christ.

Healing is not found in isolation. It is only found in community. If this is you, might I also suggest that you seek out professional help as well. An experienced, caring Christian counselor can assist you in sorting through things with you and providing you the help that you need.

In the end, though, the choice of what to do regarding your marriage is up to you. I hope that this article has been helpful for you and that youve been given some things to prayerfully consider.


It Is Good To Protect Yourself From Violent People

5 Ways To Heal From Narcissistic Relationships

David fled King Saul when he was violent toward him. The angel of the Lord warned Joseph to flee to Egypt with Jesus because Herod was trying to kill him. Paul escaped from those who sought to stone him.

We must help people to get safe and stay safe when they are in abusive relationships. This is not only good for her and her children, it is good for her abusive partner. If you are not experienced in developing a safety plan and assessing for lethality , refer or consult with someone who is knowledgeable in this area .

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