What Makes A Healthy Relationship
Every relationship is unique, and people come together for many different reasons. Part of what defines a healthy relationship is sharing a common goal for exactly what you want the relationship to be and where you want it to go. And thats something youll only know by talking deeply and honestly with your partner.
However, there are also some characteristics that most healthy relationships have in common. Knowing these basic principles can help keep your relationship meaningful, fulfilling and exciting whatever goals youre working towards or challenges youre facing together.
You maintain a meaningful emotional connection with each other. You each make the other feel loved and emotionally fulfilled. Theres a difference between being loved and feeling loved. When you feel loved, it makes you feel accepted and valued by your partner, like someone truly gets you. Some relationships get stuck in peaceful coexistence, but without the partners truly relating to each other emotionally. While the union may seem stable on the surface, a lack of ongoing involvement and emotional connection serves only to add distance between two people.
You communicate openly and honestly. Good communication is a key part of any relationship. When both people know what they want from the relationship and feel comfortable expressing their needs, fears, and desires, it can increase trust and strengthen the bond between you.
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Tip : Spend Quality Time Face To Face
You fall in love looking at and listening to each other. If you continue to look and listen in the same attentive ways, you can sustain the falling in love experience over the long term. You probably have fond memories of when you were first dating your loved one. Everything seemed new and exciting, and you likely spent hours just chatting together or coming up with new, exciting things to try. However, as time goes by, the demands of work, family, other obligations, and the need we all have for time to ourselves can make it harder to find time together.
Many couples find that the face-to-face contact of their early dating days is gradually replaced by hurried texts, emails, and instant messages. While digital communication is great for some purposes, it doesnt positively impact your brain and nervous system in the same way as face-to-face communication. Sending a text or a voice message to your partner saying I love you is great, but if you rarely look at them or have the time to sit down together, theyll still feel you dont understand or appreciate them. And youll become more distanced or disconnected as a couple. The emotional cues you both need to feel loved can only be conveyed in person, so no matter how busy life gets, its important to carve out time to spend together.
Find something that you enjoy doing together, whether it is a shared hobby, dance class, daily walk, or sitting over a cup of coffee in the morning.
Even If It Doesn’t Feel Like It Right Now
Relationships can be tricky. One moment you can be on the highest euphoria cloud, and the next second it can feel like you’re alone in the relationship. However, when you’re in a relationship and questioning staying, there are some key things to consider before calling it quits.
Does this person add value to your life? How long have you been together? Have you been through hard times and made it out together? These types of things will factor into your decision.
In this article, you’ll learn what you should consider before breaking up with your current partner. It also provides some questions you should ask yourself during the decision-making process and urges you to reflect on how your actions may have affected the relationship. Additionally, you’ll learn what makes a relationship worth saving and ways to rekindle the spark that once was.
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Immature Reasons For Leaving A Relationship
If youre simply not ready to settle down, you might be unwilling to do the work that it takes to keep up a relationship.
Thats ok, but you owe it to yourself and your partner to be honest with yourself.
On the other hand, if you sincerely want to make things work with this person, dont use these excuses as reasons to avoid making an effort. Are you really going to break up with him because he sucks food out of his teeth at romantic restaurants, or is that just an excuse to hide whats really wrong?
Because You’re Scared Of Change
It’s pretty normal to be afraid of change in general, and relationships are one of the main places that we see this played out. Talk about staying with the comfortable option. The desire to stay in the same place and avoid rocking the boat can be a really strong one, but it usually leads to a more stagnant life than you could be living. You certainly don’t want to be living a stagnant life. Relationships can provide a lot of stability in life, or at least some predictability. But predictability isn’t necessarily a good thing if it isn’t feeding your soul. Just because a certain TV show is on every Monday it doesn’t mean you need to be watching it. Don’t confuse your relationship with the rest of your life and assume that moving on will disrupt your whole life. It might stir it up sure, but when you’re making good choices the stirring up that occurs in life is always the good kind of stirring up as well.
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Someone Is Always On The Defensive
Couples fight, but if everything is always your partner’s fault and never your own , someones probably being a bit biased or irrational, says Mercer. “In a relationship, you should be able to easily say I’m sorry.’ When someone is so stubborn that they just wont let things go, they could be pushing their partner away.
Blame is a type of defensiveness that prevents someone from being able to listen or change. Chronic defenders are unable to consider the source and situation before they reactthey always respond with justification or deflection, she adds. Its another form of relationship sabotage.”
Stay In Your Relationship: If You’re Going Through A Rough Patch
Every relationship is bound to hit a rough patch at some point. Life gets stressful and things get more complicated as you go along, but that doesn’t mean you should leave at the first sign of difficulties. If you work through the rough patch together it’s only going to make your relationship stronger.
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Don’t Think About The Next Relationship
Dont confuse the question of whether or not you should leave your current relationship with how you might find a new relationship.
If its clear that your current relationship should end, then end it. Once youre on your own again, then you can develop the skills needed to attract a new partner.
Its unlikely youll be in a place to assess your chances of entering a new relationship while youre still in one. For one, everyone around you will perceive you as unavailable while youre still in a relationship, so you wont be able to get a clear sense of where you stand until youre free of that.
A proper diagnosis may also convince you that your relationship is indeed too good to leave. That situation may last your entire life, or it may change at some point.
You cant control all the variables. But at least youll have a method for deciding if you can commit to your relationship in the present moment or if you should be making plans to end it.
In any relationship, choose at the very least to achieve your own happiness.
Steve Pavlina is a human alarm clock – he wakes up people who are sleeping through life. Steve has a personal development blog for smart people, which you can follow here: stevepavlina.com/blog/
Does Your Partner Exhibit Any Behavior That Makes The Relationship Too Difficult For You To Stay In And Do You Find Your Partner Is Either Unwilling Or Incapable Of Changing
Results matter far more than intentions.
If your partner behaves in a way thats intolerable to you, then permanent change is a must, or you need to leave.
Example: Quit smoking for good in 30 days, or Im gone. Trying to tolerate the intolerable will only erode your self-esteem, and youll see yourself as stronger in the past than in the present.
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Youre Scared Of Being Single
Are you only staying because youre scared of being single?
You should never settle for a relationship. Period.
A set of studies published in the American Psychological Association found that people who are scared of being single tend to end up in unsatisfying relationships. Whats worse, is that they actually pursue relationships they know wont make them happy, just because theyre afraid of being alone.
The studies also found that people who settled are just as lonely and as unhappy as single people, which means that it doesnt really make a differenceonly that theyre wasting their time and efforts.
Dont be one of those people who waste years of their lives being in an unhappy relationship just because youre scared of being alone. In the end, its just not worth it.
Consider Speaking To A Relationship Counselor
If you and your partner cannot talk about your problems without getting angry and heated, it might be time to bring in a mediator to help you sort out your problems. Couples therapy can help you two understand each other’s point of view and work together towards solving your problems.
If you want to keep the relationship, please keep searching for ways to simplify, dignify, and enhance your romantic relationship. We all have ways in which we can improve and there’s help everywhere. So don’t stop now.
Whatever you do, remember that we are born to love and have relationships. It’s instinctual. However, sometimes people who were mistreated while growing up take bad habits with them into their love lives. This is why generations of families are dysfunctional. With all the information available today, people do not have to go on making the mistakes their parents made. You can get help, move on, and stop having disastrous relationships.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the authors knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
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You Make Bad Decisions Around Them
Signs you should stay away from someone include feeling like you arent your best self when you are together.
Do you find yourself making poor decisions around your boyfriend or girlfriend? Do you do things you would never do if you were with someone else? If so, take it as a sign its time to stay away from him or her.
You Have Time To Self
You learn to value your time together more when you are thousands of miles apart. Along with this, you can also have more clarity about your own feelings and emotions as its easier to talk on the phone about these things. In fact, being in a long distance relationship might also help you become more independent.
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So Many Reasons But What To Do
Listing these themes is one thing. How do individuals factor them into real-life decisions of whether to stay or go? To find out, the researchers did a follow-up study with over 200 people who were contemplating breaking up or getting a divorce.
Roughly half of these participants reported feeling, on balance, more inclined to stay in the troubled relationship. That makes sense inertia is powerful. Staying often takes the least effort.
However, those same exact people simultaneously had an above-average inclination to leave, meaning they rated themselves as leaning toward breaking up. See the problem? Participants were motivated to stay with their partner at the same time they were motivated to end things. And this ambivalence was very common.
That relationship doubts are so common and people are often conflicted about what to do are what make this kind of research potentially helpful. It lends some order to the chaos by helping to identify whats most important.
Should I Stay Or Should I Go 3 Ways To Know
One of the reasons that its so hard to decide whether to break up or stay together is that you cant see the future.
If you could see that things would 100% improve, you might be willing to do the work to keep the relationship going. But putting in the effort isnt worth it if the relationship is going to fail anyway.
Although a relationship might not light you up every day of your life, you should feel as though your partner doesnt detract from your wellbeing. On a good day, your partner should make you a better person. On a bad day, he or she might simply exist as an objective, nonjudgmental fixture in your life.
Youll know when you should end it if your partner is detracting from your ability to feel fulfilled.
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Have An Honest Conversation
Ignoring problems will only make things worse. Dont try to pretend everything is fine. Instead, lay everything out on the table and have an honest talk with your partner about your concerns.
Putting it all out there might sound intimidating, but chances are, your partner likely shares many of your concerns.
Try to speak without getting defensive. Be open to listening to what they have to say. This will allow you to evaluate and talk through the areas you both need to improve.
Youre Not Getting Your Needs Met
Part of being in a healthy duo involves actively working on good communication. When the lines of communication break down, you may start to feel a sense of longing, unease, and even bitterness.
Somethings off if youre constantly craving affection that isnt provided, or if you find yourself daydreaming of a more fulfilling relationship.
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Stay In Your Relationship: The Good Times Outweigh The Bad Times
If your relationship doesn’t include any abuse, because that is absolutely unacceptable, you should stay if the good times outweigh the bad. If your partner is still the person you want to talk to after a bad day. If they’re still the first person you want to tell good news to first. And if they’re always going to be the one who understands and loves all your little quirks, it might not be time to give up on them just yet.
Your Partner Won’t Give Up On You
No matter how tough things get, how estranged you all are, or if it seems the love is fading, they still are there to fight together. That’s when you know you have something priceless and ultimately have something worth fighting for.
Having a partner who won’t give up and is committed to continuing to try their best is wonderful. However, it is also important to acknowledge and to be honest about whether the differences are too great to overcome such as major differences in values and life visions.
Also, if active, continual harm is happening, that makes the relationship too damaging to continue. For example, in the case of emotional or physical abuse, if the abuser is willing to keep trying but the partner being abused is continually hurt, sometimes trying isn’t good enough. If this is the case, it may be the most healing and helpful to end the relationship.
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You’re Stonewalling Your Significant Other Or Vice Versa
Stonewalling is when one person shuts down, ignores, or otherwise stops responding to their partner. Think of Don Draper in Mad Men tuning out his wife Betty while he watches TV, says Flack. Stonewalling can look like an attempt to control the conversation, because one partner is basically blocking further discussion by disengaging. But it typically occurs when an individual is physiologically distressed and inadvertently trying to shut down overwhelming emotions. The person being stonewalled, on the other hand, is left feeling like they dont have a voice in their relationship.
Youre Experiencing Physical Or Emotional Abuse
Any form of abuse is a clear red flag that the relationship has become toxic. Its never OK for your partner to attack, frighten, control, or isolate you.
While its easier to recognize the physical signs of abuse, it can be harder to identify the mental and emotional ones. Remember, you deserve to be treated with care and respect.
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When There Are No Ego Clashes
To be able to have shared common interests and shared goals, a lot of times, one has to let go of their individual fragile ego. The more youre able to have regard for the relationship than your own wants in a healthy manner the better it is for you two, says Devaleena.
Does your partner throw a fit every time you do a few things theyre not too fond of? Can you both put aside your individual wants and do whats best for the relationship? The answer to why should someone stay in a relationship depends on how well you two can respect what you have rather than selfishly want your way.
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